Adoptees in 3: Connecting Mind, Heart and Action – Episode 3: David B. Bohl

Episode Transcript 

Voiceover

Introduction:
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The Voices Unheard Program at Boston Post Adoption Resources is designed to empower adult adoptees in expressing their personal stories and to expand public knowledge and awareness around lived adoptee experiences. Our program goals are accomplished through this Adoptees in 3 video series; through narrative writing workshops; adoptee-created blogs; the use of the Voices Unheard journal; as well as through Voices Unheard: Real Adoptee Stories, which is our annual live speaker’s forum dedicated to educating the greater Boston community through creative expression and storytelling.

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LC: Welcome to Adoptees in 3: Connecting Mind, Heart, and Action. This interview series is produced by Boston Post Adoption Resources from within the adoptee-focused Voices Unheard program. In this series we get to the heart of things with one adoptee by asking them the current state of their adoptee journey through 3 questions based on heart, mind, and action. I am LC Coppola: an adoptee, and the program director of Voices Unheard through Boston Post Adoption Resources and I am an adoption- and trauma- informed therapist. I am happy to have David Bohl as our guest with me today. Hi, David.

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David B. Bohl: Hello LC, I'm delighted to be here. Thanks for having me.

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LC: I'm just gonna introduce you a little bit. David is a relinquishee and an adoptee. He's a clinical substance abuse counselor, a master addiction counselor. He's a professional consultant on addiction and relinquishment at Beacon Confidential as well as a former consumer of substance use disorder, and mental health services himself. He's also a writer, speaker, and the author of parallel Universes: The Story of Rebirth, a memoir that chronicles the intersection of adoption, and addiction, and his life. He's also the author of Relinquishment and Addiction: What Trauma Has to Do with It. I actually have it here. It's a monograph that provides an overview of the complex issues involved in relinquishment and adoption, and in particular as they relate to the susceptibility of addiction. So, it's so great to have you here. I feel like we were just talking that a lot of our work, you know, a lot of my work has been addiction/adoption, and you're kind of like the addiction and adoption person that I keep reading and hearing about over the years.

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David B. Bohl : Likewise, and I think that's a good thing, right? I mean, 5 years ago there wasn't a lot of information about this out in public, or where one could have this—this talk. And now it's proliferating, and I think it's doing our community a wonderful service.

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LC: Yeah, it's so important. I—it is so crazy to me that it hasn't been out there more. You know. It's like, you know, we have a 45% higher chance of addiction as adoptees. And it, you know, working in programs. I've seen it—it's like a quarter of my clients have been adoptees.

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David B. Bohl : I had the same experience when I . . . when I was in grad school, doing my practicum. I had at one time 50 of my caseload was adoptees, and I said, “This isn't right.” I saw my supervisor. I spoke to him about it, he said—he said, “I have no idea what the statistics should be.” I mean, I understand that we would be overrepresented in the population, but is it that high? And ever since then I've certainly paid a lot of attention to our community. Yes.

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LC: Yeah, well, thank you so much for all the work you're doing. And I definitely, you know, I just read your—one of your blogs that came out, I think, this week about the butterfly. The idea of like that pain is essential to growth. And—and—and just, you know, like as you're growing into a new identity, which is something you do both as someone in recovery and as an adoptee coming out of the fog and throughout, you know, your life. So, I thought it was a good one.

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David B. Bohl : Well that was a great synopsis. Thank you for that. I appreciate it. Thank you for the work that you do as well.

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LC: Yeah, so do you wanna jump into these questions?

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David B. Bohl : Sure. Let's do it.

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LC: The first one; the Mind question: If you were to make a movie about your current adoptee journey, or just your adoptee journal—journey as a whole, what would you title the movie?

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David B. Bohl : I—I absolutely love this question, and it's a great question. And—and I wish there were simple answer, but the—the beauty of this question is there isn't. It's going to be different for everybody, and that's for—the certainly true with me as well. But one thing's for certain, and I'm talking, and not only about myself, but I'm talking to a large community, or many of us who are separated from family of origin. You know, we—we—yeah, we have very unique experiences, and our stories are immensely complex. But what most of us have in common is that we spend our lives seeking that elusive feeling of belonging, right? And—and that's been my experience. And that's been [the] experience of many others I've heard in the community, and that seeking feeling of belonging can take on any different forms, right? It could be like, we feel like something's wrong with us, or tha—we feel like other people have instructions as to how to live life, and we don't, or it's just generally being disconnected from people or being uncapable of happiness and success, or just being different from others and being a burden. But ultimately it was that something was missing, right? That—that's my experience of seeking that—that wholeness and all of those things that I just mentioned are my experiences, too. I've had those feelings at one time and another. So, a—a—for so many years the title of my adoption journey would have been “Seeking Wholeness,” right? That—that was my story and that—and that’s a story that resonates in our community. But you know what? That's only part of the story. Thank goodness, right? Because it was exhausting. Many of us, and maybe you can relate to this as well, you know, it's—it's like that song, and I'm dating myself. (Yeah, I'm a boomer, I know.) But the song called “The Seeker” by The Who and the lyric goes, “You know, they call me the seeker. I've been searching low and high. I won't get to get what I'm after till the day I die,” and that's the way it seemed, and that's what I keep hearing in a heartbreaking sense of our community. Everybody says, “Okay, give me the next thing to do,” and I do it, but I don't seem to—I don't seem to get that closure, right? I don't get to get that wholeness, right? So, we do this. We chase resources. We reach out to the community. We think we understand what we need to do, but we never feel that connection, and that's the gift, right? Or the—the—the blessing or the detriment of having that separation experience. So, we keep throwing ourselves into more endeavors because we feel stressed and we never seem able to fill that void inside. Or sometimes we get so overwhelmed, right? How many times do we see this with people enthusiastically come into our community? They get overwhelmed, and they need to take a break because it's just so much. It's just too much. . . .

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LC: Yes.

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David B. Bohl : The psychological exhaustion of chasing that elusive dream or that elusive wholeness, and then feeling even more incomplete or more defective; feeling that shame that comes not from not being able to achieve that sense of completeness. And—and that was my experience, right? So, we’re struggling, we struggle, and that what we do need to find is evidence that we've begun healing, and that—that's ultimately what we can do. And that's what you're doing with this podcast and others in the community space are doing this, right, because it's not just that we need to process these situations. We need to feel like we're making progress as a human being. Right? We, we have to believe that we can heal, and sadly we lose help when we can't. So that was part of my seeking wholeness story, right? I kept searching, but I could never stop seeking. Yep, I experienced a life-changing shift. And it—it's—it's an immensely long story, but we don't have time for here. But what I'm going to basically say about is that I started to focus all of my energies on figuring out who I am. Who I am, instead of focusing on what I didn't have and who I wasn't, and how I compared myself to others and all the other things. Who am I actually, right? Down, deep down beneath all of that, right? All of those experiences of stress. Some may call them trauma, right? Who am I? And once I was able to do that, that's when my life story changed from seeking wholeness to wholeness found, right? “Wholeness Found.” And today I'm—I'm so grateful to have found that completeness that I failed to achieve for literally decades, right? And—and I've been able to achieve this wholeness when all odds were against it. When I don't have comprehensive family information, and time and context is lost over—over decades. So “Wholeness Found” would be the ultimate answer to that question.

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LC: Yeah, I like that. And now I want to ask like an additional question of like, but it's—it's you can't—I don't think you can answer the whole question right now. It's probably, but it's like, you know. If I was to ask you to describe who you found that you are, you know, and like a little bit of a, you know, say, you're a director describing to an actor how to play the role of you. How would you? What would you?

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David B. Bohl : Great question, and you know what? I have the answer, and you know why I have the answer? Because I've been doing that work. And I don't know how you can see this on your camera, but I've been journaling. This is my phone—it's just a note in my phone that says, “Who am I?” And ultimately (and I'll describe the process in the third question that you ask here) but ultimately I've been doing an inventory. And I've been trying to figure out who I am, uncovering all the experiences of the misperceptions that I had, right? Including misperceptions that came from being addicted to alcohol and nicotine, right? I'm covering all of it. And then figure out, who are you, really? Who are you, really? And where are you going with all of this? What does it mean to you to have had these experiences? And I literally have a list that I read daily, right? This is my daily checklist, and I put it to the test. Am I really these things, right? There's one time in my life where I took, I think, probably before I stopped—oh, maybe it was right as I stopped drinking 20 years ago, I took the Myers Briggs test and it told me I was a certain personality type, and then, after I did most of my adoptive work, I took it again, and it told me I was a different type.

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LC: Yup.

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David B. Bohl : Well that’s because I had adapted. I answered the questions how I thought they should be answered, instead of answering them as to who I truly was. So, the answer to your question (and I know that was a long-winded way of getting here): I did have an inventory. I keep an inventory of the things that I believe that I am. I put them to the test regularly, and I hang out with people who I trust, right? Who have an outside perspective; who, instead of blowing smoke up my backside and keeping me happy, or saying, “You know, you might want to check your perspective on that.” So, I do this on a regular basis. And then ultimately, that's what's the answer to the healing question. This is how I found healing, and this is how I know that I'm still on the path to healing.

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LC: I love that. Yeah, I love that. Just having a daily kind of check in about—I had a client once, we were talking about how do you find out who you really are? Because there's so many different theories. There's like, you know, all these different tests in the Meyers Brigg’s—same, I—I used to be an extrovert, turns out now I'm an introvert. I probably was thinking I was an extrovert, ‘cause I was people pleasing. I don't know. But like . . .

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David B. Bohl : I know exactly that. I have the same identical experience. Sorry to interrupt. Yeah.

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LC: But yeah, I mean, so this client came up with this great question. Just—just to speculate on. If you were, if you were completely alone on like an island somewhere, and you weren't—like anything you were gonna do had nothing—like no one else would know, like it had nothing to do with other people like, how would you spend your time? It's just like an interesting way, like, would you be curious about the ocean? Would you be a learner? Would you be a builder? You know, just like another way to think. You know, if it's not about survival through adapting to others, you know, then—then, what are—what are you interested in? You know.

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David B. Bohl : Absolutely. And for many of us adoptees that the answer to that question would be, I'm going to just be an existentialist. I'm going to contemplate the meaning of my life and my place in this world, right? Because that's the—the stuff that's been so confused for so long. Yeah.

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LC: Yeah. Alright, so we're going to go to the next one. The heart question. What advice would you give your younger adopted self?

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David B. Bohl : You know, I—I said, I love the first question. I love this one too, but for a different reason, because this one really makes me think, right? I admittedly, I—I struggled with this question, and it's not because I can't put forth a reasoned answer to the question. But because it for me—it involves sort of a fantasy, right? It—it involves going back in time and actually being able to influence that younger self of mine. And—and, by the way, fantasy, as someone in recovery, is something that almost killed me at one point in my life; and you know I—I try not to dwell on those “what ifs” because it's not conducive to my recovery, essentially my healing. And just a little bit about that: you know early in my life, using alcohol and other substances was a way to self-soothe—was my way of trying to connect with people in that personal way and that trying to survive and to fit in. And I found that alcohol especially allowed me to be around people in a way that was okay and was expected of me, right? I was able to quiet my inner critic, find that camaraderie and friendship, that belonging that I talked to earlier and alcohol ultimately allowed me to change my reality. That is, it changed my perception of the world and my place in it, right? That's a fantasy. So eventually, yeah, sadly, using alcohol to escape reality created this fantasy world that almost led to my demise. It literally almost killed me, existentially and physically. And I used it as my sole coping mechanism. And this created the fantasy of being okay, instead of processing reality as it really was, right? So, that's what I was doing, living out this fantasy. So, a pair—part of me—part of my recovery and healing is sticking with reality. And what this means to me is that, you know, I don't know if it's—it's possible for me to indulge in that “What if the circumstances of my relinquishment were different?” Or “What if the laws and societal attitudes are different?” Or “What advice would I—what would I wish I heard when I was younger?” fantasy. Although I thought about this, and there books are written about it, I've read them. But, you know, I look back and I think I—I wouldn't be who I am today if things were different in that way. If I had that advice. If I could talk to my younger self, right? So, what does that mean? Who would I be? What would I still have a substance use disorder anyway, because I was genetically disposed? Well, I learned—I learned that my genetic mom—my first mom—died of alcohol-related causes—or would addiction skip me as a generation, and be eradicated entirely because I wouldn't suffer those deep developmental traumas and stresses of having been relinquished and not connecting to my adoptive family, right? And would my biological mother have not had to rely upon alcohol because she didn't have to deal with the trauma of giving me up, right? The permutations and the speculation are endless. Like that fantasy becomes out of control and becomes ultimately hurtful to me. And for me to give energy to it because it's exhausting to imagine. So, you—you mentioned my book earlier and [in] my book “Parallel Universes,” I talk about this a little bit. I allude the idea that there's another me in this other universe where my relinquishment didn't occur. And I'm some other person, right? Even today, my name is David, but that my first name was Baby Boy Bender, on my—right? There are two of me out there somewhere. So, I—I lived a totally different life in this fantasy world that didn't end up with me having seizures and going to rehabilitation and getting sober. But I—again, I can't give this rumination too much room because of the possibilities are infinite, right? May—maybe I'm not given up. Maybe my biological mother still relied upon alcohol, though, is—and I grew up in chaos, and I turn chaos myself to help me cope, and perhaps I become instantly resilient. I never drink again, nor do my children, and we have this great life, but it comes out somewhere else, right? Maybe I'm whatever. What—maybe I have an anxiety disorder. Maybe I use gambling. Maybe I self-soothe, and in other ways that aren't happy or healthy, right? So, the foundation of my conflict and my healing and recovery lies in the fact that I had to acknowledge that not only was I relinquished, but I struggled to attach to my family who raised me. That I had trouble trusting anybody, including myself, and that's all part of my story, right? That's part of my reality. And—and the ongoing acceptance and resilience comes to the fact that I'm—I've lived this life, and I came out victorious to spark all those experiences, right? I—I didn't let those negative experiences permanently define me, although they did define me temporarily, right? But I was able to use them to define who I am going forward. So, what I can do today and direct answer to your question is, I can be really kind to past versions of myself that didn't know the things that I know today. And that's what I have to do. That's what forgiveness, and that's what getting rid of shame were all about. I can stop blaming myself for these negative feelings, like thinking something was inherently wrong with me. And—and I have to know today that I didn't cause these problems, and I shouldn’t have been expected to work through them on my own. We know this today, right? So, that advice is—is really to represent . . . to present myself, right? Reminding myself that it was my experiences in my environment, my perceptions that were dysfunctional, not me, right? I—I—I adapted, and I survived the best I could and now I can see it today. So, ultimately that's how I look at it, being kind to my younger self, but not judging myself too harshly for reacting in survival mode when survival mode was called for.

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LC: So, it's like, almost like, instead of advice, or like changing how things went, because you wouldn't be you if you did. It's more just like, care and compassion for that younger part, just like loving thoughts and care. Yeah, I like that.

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David B. Bohl : Exactly. A lot of therapy that . . . a—a large part of therapy, if one were to go through therapy for trauma, is about cognitive restructuring. Reexamining perceptions that occurred in the past, given the context of the past, and seeing if they're still useful today. And that's part of that exercise, right? It's right—is—were things really as I saw them back then, or were they the way they are and I just couldn't do anything about them, and I could only wait until I was stronger to do something about them today? And oftentimes it was the latter.

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LC: Yeah, I love that. Alright. So, we're gonna jump into the third question, the actual question. How are you feeling today? What works for you? What are you doing in the world? And we already talked about some of the . . . a lot—you're doing a lot. But what is the—what is the kind of thing that you really get into on a daily basis for healing and what's working for you?

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David B. Bohl : Well, I appreciate that. And—and to start off, I have to say something, and I hope it doesn't sound arrogant because it's not meant to be arrogant. My daily mantra, LC, is: In most ways, my life is ideal today. In most ways—it's not perfect. It's not that I don't have struggles. It's not that I don't have to process things, but in most ways I have a great life, and I say that not to brag. I say that because I'm astonished, right? Given everything that I've experienced, including addiction and everything else, I'm really fortunate that that's the case today. And ultimately that didn't come without some work as you've alluded to in your question, right? Both the inner work and the activist work, or what I would call advocacy work. And ultimately, I've—I've applied—employed the same fundamental strategies and philosophies that helped me get back to reality like I talked about before, right? I had to understand who I was, who I am, and how I operate, right? And the only difference today from when I started employing those strategies years ago is that I don't have to spend all my time and energy doing it now, right? I don't have to do constant internal work, and I don't get overwhelmed, and I don't get exhausted doing this on a daily basis anymore. It's—and that's not only because I practice at them. And that's really important, right? I practice these philosophies and strategies over a really long period of time. But, it's also because I know that they work, right? I finally have some self-confidence of self-efficacy. I believe that they continue to sustain me, no matter what happens in life. And stuff is gonna happen, right? Where people who need to process things as they happen, things are gonna happen in life. So, most simply, what I need to do is I—I need to take intentional action, right? I have to take action, to continue to feel that wholeness I talked about earlier, because for many reasons; but number one, guess what? Time does not heal all wounds, right? Time is not the magic salve for all wounds, right? Well what does? Well, healing heals all, right? Intentional healing is what heals those wounds. And that—when I say intentional healing, I mean becoming and remaining healthy by merging this realism that I talked about; what—what I feel is real and true and honest and genuine with what really is. What really is true, right? That reality. And I—and I do this through ongoing learning and—and inner work and working in the community of—of people with like minds and like motivations. And by trusting some confidants to help me; to see some perspectives that are healthier for me. So, put another way: It's not just intentional effort, but I'm creating safety. I'm finding validation, my story in my experiences. I'm raising my awareness and what's available to me out there. It's reframing like that cognitive, restructuring, reframing experiences and perspectives. And it's in finding a peace of mind through knowing that I've made the effort, and I've done my best, despite all of these horrific experiences that I might have had. And that I'm—I'm becoming capable of healing these wounds, right? Some people call that self-actualization. I don't often use that term because it's a term that's misunderstood sometimes, but—but that's the process of intentional healing. I actually refer to it as relentlessly pursuing reality, right? Keeping with the reality . . .

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LC: Yeah, I like that.

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David B. Bohl: Relentlessly pursuing reality.

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LC: RPR  for sure.

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David B. Bohl : There you go, right? RPR, right? I work hard. I—I saw my note, right? I get curious, I explore, I experiment, I take action, I talk to others who can mirror things to me that I didn't get when I didn't have the genetic mirroring, right? So, I'm—so I can better know myself. Ultimately, to thine own self, be true. How can thine self be—can be, you know, be true to our own selves if we don't know who we are, you know? I'm just like you, I’m complex. I'm complicated. I don't know if you do or not, but I have a very loud and active inner monologue. So, I have to work really hard to keep from my brain working too hard, right? There’s a great new movie but I don't know if you saw, it's called “Violet” with Justine Bateman. It's—it's—it's a phenomenal movie. It talks about this. But anyway, I've recommended that to some of the community and they adore it. Actually, I think you would go getting a group together and watching it and—and processing it afterwards. But, it talks about that inner monologue and how to overcome it, right? But, so I—to use an AA recovery term, I have to regularly take inventory of who I am, right? That phone note that I use. So . . .
but it's a little more specific, right? If I—if I have to break it down, this philosophy—because you asked specifically, what am I doing—this philosophy is about discipline, right? Discipline, studying myself, my thinking, my assumptions and actions, right? It's about developing this philosophy as life changes, and I grow older and I have more experiences. It's about asking the question in each moment. What do I know right now? What do I know right now? What—what are—what are some of the things I didn't know before? What can't I know? What don't I have access to? And, by the way, what does this mean to me, right? Those of us in the adoption community, many of us testify, “Oh yeah, that was told from the very beginning that I was adopted but we never discussed what that meant to anybody in the—in the, in the family,” right? So, I have to ask what this means to me. Sometimes I have to reverse engineer myself. I have to take a Meyers Brigg  test or I have to take a Strengths Finder test, or I have to go to Chapter 9 in Nancy Verrier's book “Coming Home to Self” and go through the checklist to make sure I understand what my favorite things are, what my preferences are, what really gives me enthusiasm. I have to reflect on those and make sure I'm trying to incorporate who I am in my life, instead of hiding myself, or trying to change myself for the best.

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LC: Yeah. What do I know about who I am? Yeah. It's—and like, just like the information that you learn in your head, it seems like, for you over time, it's gotten into like who you are in—in your heart. It's like, you can know, this is, you know, and also just like the . . . I—II'm really into the parts theory stuff. And I have these like 5 main characters I feel like they make up who I am. One is an addict in recovery, but, you know, that—that character is the one I kind of bring in when I need to do something brave or impulsive ‘cause that's the character that will do it, you know. And I have this other part that's, her name's Libby, because that was my name prior to adoption, and she's kind of like my old soul, creative, intuitive part, you know. And I like to bring her in, or I, you know, I think through the process of recovery she's taking up a lot more room, you know. But that inner monologue I was thinking—I was like laughing because I was like, yeah, I have a whole committee of main characters that I'm constantly talking within my head.

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David B. Bohl : Absolutely. And I'll also bet you become aware of that right? I mean, if we don't know where this motivation is coming from, where these thoughts are coming from, we have no way of examining them in any efficient, economical, and healthy way, right? But that's all part of it. And—and ultimately, what it means too is that I have to be really proactive. I have to deal with stuff before it becomes bigger, right? There's a stoic—I don't know, stoic philosophy is becoming popular again. There's been a guy by the name of Ryan Holiday who's made it contemporary and really popularized it and I I've been studying Stoic philosophy since college. So, I know what it's about, and it really applies in terms of addiction recovery, but also applies to what we do and what it—there's a saying that says, basically, “The obstacle is the way,” right? So, if there's this looming thing in front of me, that's bothering me . . .

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LC: Yes.

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David B. Bohl : I better not gonna go dancing around it. I better not avoid it. I better not contort and adapt to—to make myself shy away from it. I better address it as best I can. I might not resolve it, but I have to acknowledge that it's there, and I have to work towards getting beyond that, whatever that looks like. And that's part of that philosophy. Sometimes that means getting rid of what isn't working, right? Over the years I have . . . sadly, I don't mean this in a vindictive way, I—I've sadly had to distance myself from some unhealthy people, right? And that—and that's something I couldn't do before, right? It was always trying to be the people-pleaser, right? I couldn't afford—I needed my mind to send anybody packing. Now, I can't be near this function for too long, right? Because it's right—They say you are the 5 top people that you hang around with. I can't do that anymore, right? So, I have to find healthy people to connect with in non-shaming ways, right? In both inside and outside of our community. And that's part of that philosophy that helps me lead that principle life, right? Where my beliefs and who I think I am, are in concert with the way I act, right? And it's like a community, right? The one thing we talk about all the values that are important to me, it's conscientious—conscientiousness and truthfulness. I say, I'm going to do something, or if I say I'm doing something or I am something . . . I better be that or I better do that. Otherwise, I've gaslit the entire community. I made everybody feel unsafe. So, that's part of that daily thing. And of course, as I'm doing all of this, I have to—I have to practice what I preach. I—engage in daily self-care, right? I have to take care of myself, physically and emotionally, and intellectually and relationally. And one of the things that helps me do that is practicing this science called Blue Mind. Blue Mind is—basically talks about how being in or around the water can have meditative benefits, right?

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LC: Oh my god. Okay, well, now, I wanna talk to you about dipping in the ocean. I've really gotten into going in the water and the healing of just the . . . well, there's the temperature change, and, like the, you know, getting used to relaxing into like a shift of trauma in your body, and . . . but just being near the ocean is amazing, and I . . .

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David B. Bohl : Yeah, absolutely.

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LC: Know about that until I moved here, and I've been learning more about it. So . . .

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David B. Bohl : There’s lots of science behind that. But, the simple science, as you probably know, is—right? —there's a smell to it, right? The smell makes you more present, because you're examining your senses. There's a reflection of light off the waves, just like staring into a bonfire. It's a random reflection of things off the waves, right? And, plus the sounds can be really soothing because they're—they're green to that brown wave that can be really helpful to us. So, lots of science behind us. Really, interestingly enough, there was a book written about this . . . I don't know, maybe 10 years ago by an author by the name of Wallace J. Nichols called “Blue Mind.” It was the name of the book. And he's known as Jay. That's how he’s referred to. Jay is a fellow adoptee.

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LC: Oh my . . .

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David B. Bohl : So, he knows what he's talking about. Yeah, yeah. So . . .

00:27:21 --> 00:27:22
LC: Alright. I'm looking and I’m so excited.

00:27:22 --> 00:27:40
David B. Bohl : Amazing . . . amazing read, Blue Mind is a great resource, right? And there's also a—there's also a National Association of Adoptees and Parents: Happy Hour YouTube video, where Jay (Wallace J. Nichols) was the guest talking about Blue Mind, if you want to shortcut to it. So, all kinds of places you can learn more about it. Yeah.

00:27:40 --> 00:27:43
LC: Oh, I can't wait. Definitely gonna look into that. Awesome.

00:27:44 --> 00:29:32
David B. Bohl : So—and as you know, it's not just about self-care to me. And I said this before, it's about being involved in this greater community right? That helps me stay motivated and it helps me to do this inner work. So I, like you, do virtual meetings and
education events and social media discussions, and I go to conferences and meetups, and I contribute content for discussion to the community as well to making sure I'm part of the mission, right? I also sit on the board of Wisconsin Family Connections, which is an organization that helps people who've been separated from family of origin. And I'm actually, I don’t know if you've heard about it, or if this is going to be released by the time the event comes up, but I'm also co-sponsoring an event called FOG Lift, Chicago, which is an interactive experience that raises the awareness and alleviates some burdens of fear, obligation and guilt. FOG Lift (F.O.G: Fear, Obligation, and Guilt) that those of us who have been separated from family of origin are feeling. So, it's a day and a half event in Chicago where we'll see the reckoning with the primal wound and some other—some other art events and some interactive experiences and build that trust in camaraderie that eluded so many of us throughout the life. And lastly, didn't answer that question, right? You talked about my business, right? I—I work with a lot of people through my private practice from Beacon Confidential, who have had separation from family of origin experiences, and their intersection of unhealthy substance use, or other mental health attitudes that—that make some behaviors really unhealthy for them. So, I—I not only work with individuals and families and organizations, but I generally try to help raise awareness inside and outside of our community through speaking, writing, and presenting about the challenges we face, and asking you and others to call me on it. Let's have a discussion about it, right? So, all of these things, I mean, it's—it's—it's robust, but it keeps me healthy. I have this regular daily diet of this inner work and advocacy that helps to keep me healthy.

00:29:33 --> 00:29:46
LC: Yeah, I mean, it seems like, you just have this like, really full, like beautiful, connected life. And—and there's so much you're doing in the community, and it makes . . . you know, it makes sense that your life is this way. At this point.

00:29:47 --> 00:30:20
David B. Bohl : Well it—well, it—I—I appreciate you saying that, but you know what it's—it's counterintuitive at the same time, right? If I'm an individual who struggled with connection all through my life because of the early life experiences I had. It's counterintuitive that I would have these things in later in life unless I worked for them, right? And I hate to use that word “work,” but it is. It's about the interwork, it's about external work, about taking action. I work to be this connected, and I'm—I've never felt better about myself and about life as a result of doing that. And I can also tell you I've never been a better friend or a father or a husband since I—I—I know who I am, and I feel good about what my part in this world in this community is.

00:30:21 --> 00:30:33
LC: That's awesome. I . . . we do have to wrap up, but I I want to let people know where is the best place where they can find—find out more about you or contact you.

00:30:33 --> 00:30:57
David B. Bohl : Sure. Well, I appreciate that. I—I have a web page that talks about mostly my personal experiences at DavidBBohl.com. Middle Initial B. DavidBBohl.com. I have it in my name down at the bottom of my screen here. That's the easiest way to get to me. There you'll find the link to my business page. You'll find a phone number. You'll find email information. And of course, I'm out on social media. So, reach out anytime.

00:30:57 --> 00:31:14
LC: Awesome. Thank you so much for doing this today. And I hope that we'll keep being in contact. And for our guests who are listening, I would love for them to stay tuned for our next—our next Adoptees in 3 series.

00:31:14 --> 00:31:32
David B. Bohl : Awesome. Well, thank you for having me, thank you for your time. One last word, if I may, you know, it sounds cliché, but this is true: healing is possible. There are more resources today, more individuals involved and more ways to connect than there ever have been before. It's really an optimistic time for those of us who've had these experiences.

00:31:33 --> 00:31:35
LC: Right. Thank you, David.